All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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