im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
