After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
