I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I am spending my child support on dildos
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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