i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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