So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize