The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Randomize
