Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
