I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
