He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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