i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How external is "for external use only"?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
