Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You took a bar mat shot.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My penis needs a shock collar
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
