I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
