Me too!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
