Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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