Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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