I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
