Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
