If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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