my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
