made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
