I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
