dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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