your parents love me but you hate me
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize