i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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