you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
