so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
