A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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