I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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