she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
