She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
