I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
