Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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