Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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