It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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