I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize