the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm just crazy horny about you
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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