we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
