tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
