R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Randomize
