There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
