your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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