Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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