Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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