I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
