I am midnight drunk by noon
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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