Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
