Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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