if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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