Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
