apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
