i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
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