Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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