i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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