My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
