After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
