i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
