Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
