textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
