Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I understand Curling. That high.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
