I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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