I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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