i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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