good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
