Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
