i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
