the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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