I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
