they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
