WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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